Tag Archive: bodyimage
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Stinking thinking? Unhealthy and in pain. Living with frustration, shame and guilt from failed diet efforts? You are not alone. Easy Solution.
I have often thought, where does my obsession with food come from. I grew up in a normal home, with loving parents, grand parents and close extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a home filled with laughter and love and I was given every opportunity to succeed and thrive yet I made some strange choices.
I have always had this emptiness, this need to feed. I was extremely shy but pretended not to be. I was also the surviving eldest child of my parents, the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents and the baby in the family for my immediate aunts and uncles. I was given so much attention and I loved it.
My grandparents were the survivors from Holocaust Europe having lost so many family members and carrying so much sadness and a zest for joy and survival that is indescribable. They left their homes in Europe with very little and build up new lives from scratch in a country where they had to learn a new language, new skills and new culture. Building homes, communities with a determination to succeed and thrive, especially since they bore such a loss in their hearts. In my grandparents lived the happy memories of better times around food, the table and their connection to their lost lives and families. So much attention was given to planning for meals and events, preparing for them, serving them and enjoying them that it was almost a vocation. To such a degree that my paternal grandmother remembered dates by what she made, and who was at the table.
Every time they looked at me they told me to eat something. Food was the cure all for every ailment – sadness, pensiveness, loneliness, anxiety – food for the soul, they would tell me. We were never that wealthy always got what we needed and money was spent on food, entertaining, education and travel. I am manipulative I realized when I was young that if I asked for something material there was a 50/50 chance of getting it but if I said I was hungry the answer was always why don’t you have some of this or this. I developed a hunger for this type of attention. The type that warmed me from the inside out and filled me up from my toes up. I could feel it, I could stuff myself so much to the point of being uncomfortable – filled with love. People couldn’t believe how much I could eat but they also didn’t see how much I purged to be able to keep stuffing and filling myself. You see even though we had a lot of laughter we never discussed our feelings. Feelings were too painful, they would open up cans of worms of things that my Grandparents didn’t want to feel or think of. It was easier and more delicious focusing on stuffing down our feelings.
I used to tell myself that I love food, until I realized that I should love me. The food choices I made weren’t always the healthiest the fatty, salty, sweet each had a different affect on me, my brain and how I felt. My brain and body were at odds, as I was loving myself with food, my body was getting clogged, bogged down and beaten up. My health started to deteriorate, so did my relationships, my world got smaller and I had to make different choices. My body was collapsing under the weight I was carrying, the yoyo dieting, the extreme measure – the abuse. My life had become unmanageable, that was 18 months and 130 lbs ago. Today I’m blessed to be in recovery and I have come to realize that there are many ways to feed my soul, food is not one of them happiness, good health that enables me to enjoy the world around me and for this I’m grateful.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Our Why Weight for Recovery community understands that it’s our shared thoughts and feelings and not our differences that make us the same. Below are some of the behaviors of compulsive overeaters:
Obsessing with our body’s weight, size and shape
Preoccupation with reducing diets
Inducing puking after eating
Inappropriate and/or excessive use of
Using diuretics and laxatives
Chewing and spitting out food
Use of diet pills, shots or other medical
Intervention, including surgery, to control weight
Inability to stop eating certain foods after taking the first bite
Fantasies about food
Vulnerability to quick-weight-loss schemes
Constant preoccupation with food
Using food as a reward for comfort
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My lifelong struggle with my weight has also been a struggle with my self worth and body image. It’s been a long process and it started with realizing that in order for me to stop my lifelong diet struggle I had to start being honest with me talking about what was eating me. I’m a compulsive overeater and I don’t see or view food like normal eaters. I have food binges, at times I’ll keep eating until I’m stuffed and not because I was full. For the past 34 years I have lived in pain, wracked with guilt and going to bed ashamed. I always thought that I failed because I had no willpower. Two years ago I started a journey that would change my life and empower me to live a happy healthy life.
I started a 3 way approach – mind, body, spirit. Mind I found a recovery coach Dr Felice Cellini. Body – I walk and exercise and changed my attitude towards it. It’s actually become easier, less painful and more enjoyable as the weight has been coming off. I also have an eating plan not a diet I focus on protein goals. I also have to say no to my triggers and yes to my health – it’s become so much easier and I have very few cravings. Spirit I practice gratitude and also get strength from my higher power. Most importantly I surround myself with others like me who are in and value their recovery, it’s a safe environment it’s not religious. We talk once a week, it’s a free no charge to participate call and it’s tonight at 8 -9 pm you’re welcome to call in. The call details are updated weekly on our Facebook community and why weight for recovery page. From my heart to yours no-one need struggle alone I’ve let go of the shame and guilt and it’s liberating and empowering. From my heart to yours